Sunday, September 25, 2016

Tipping Point

"We live in a bubble," a friend remarked when talking about living as a diplomatic family abroad. It is true. Regardless of the friends we make, the investment in community, and attempts to fit in, we do in-fact live a bubble and it is a bubble of privilege. But with that privilege comes responsibility. We bear the responsibility of representing our country and our values in a positive manner while we live in our host nation. We bear the responsibility of upholding the rules and abiding by the law. In some posts, that bubble is easy, pliant and almost transparent because our lives are not so different than the citizens of the country where we are living. Other times, the life inside the bubble is so markedly different from the lives lived by the general populace in the host country that it is almost impossible to comprehend. 

Safely ensconced in my car with a driver navigating the vehicular insanity of the roads it is easy for me to become oblivious. That is until I hear it...tap, tap, tap - begging me to look at the novelty items they are selling. I look away, perhaps down at my phone. Is it the reality that I am trying to avoid? Tap, tap, tap, hand outstretched while the other holds a clearly hungry child on her hip. Is it so beyond my own understanding that in the 21st century people must resort to these measures? Tap, tap, tap, more insistent now, the light is about to change. Am I embarrassed or overwhelmed? The answer must truthfully be both. How is it this life affords me the luxury and safety of a car and driver when a thin layer of glass separates me from a body so wracked with poverty that the joints are over absurdly overemphasized. The traffic moves and it comes again, tap, tap tap. This time a child so grievously deformed, no hands, ropey scars smoothed over what must have been horrendous burns. Hands reach, tucking a few rupees here and few rupees there into a shirt pocket as the recipient has no palms to receive. The traffic moves on.

Inside the bubble my understanding of the world shatters. That anyone especially a child should be faced with such a life is this. I am a stranger here, but surely there are things I can do?? This question races through my mind and I begin to measure every encounter, every transaction against those images that in spite of my bubble remain - reminding me of the precariousness of survival here; reminding me not to think like an entitled idiot. I must not presume for one moment that I am above them - better than I have a right to believe I am. But I am fortunate and with that comes responsibility - to give back, to be kind, to be fair in my dealings - professionally, personally, socially, whatever they are. I never want to be thought of as the "ugly American," either too oblivious or selfish to care about what is going on around me. I do not wish to be thought of as overindulgent, or boastful of how fortunate I am. Instead I want to be remembered as reasonable and fair.

This is India. Things work a little differently here. The average (nominal) annual income for the whole country is approximately $1,497. That's $124.75 a month. A MONTH!! Takes your breath away doesn't it? Now, to be fair there are other issues at play here. To really get a perspective of the economy you have examine the PPP or purchasing parity power. This is a system that seeks to put two country's currencies on par to examine the purchasing power of each within their own country. I'm not an economics expert, so if you want to learn more about it, Google it. 

But I am wandering away from the story.

I ventured out to the nearby fish market today. I had heard from various friends and acquaintances that good quality fresh seafood was readily available and inexpensive. I must say that the market, while small, did not disappoint. They offered a nice selection of shrimp, prawns, crabs, and several options of fish - some I knew immediately - some I did not. After making a mental note to brush up on local varieties of fish, I opted for the shrimp - they were fresh and beautiful and whole. After pulling the requested quantity from the cooler, the clerk asked, in Telegu, if I wanted them cleaned. Luckily Nawaz, our awesome driver had come along with me and played interpreter.  While my shrimp being cleaned I wandered around the shop and tried to commit to memory the local names of fish. Dutifully, the clerk reweighed my order of freshly cleaned shrimp and I paid my bill. Armed with my bounty, I headed for the door only to be stopped and addressed once again in Telegu. Apparently, local custom is to tip the fishmonger who cleans, filets or chops up your seafood. Yikes! Tipping to have my fish cleaned was not in my briefing info, nor had it been addressed in the myriad of traveler sites I had scoured upon learning of our new posting. 

This person just performed a task I hate, it is a reasonable service and should have a reasonable tip. So I winged it. I tipped double what I have been told is a fair tip for the guys that carry your groceries to the car. I figured I had handled it correctly as the fishmonger smiled, Nawaz did not look alarmed and I was not receiving any "stupid American" looks.

Once in the car, I asked Nawaz if I had tipped correctly. He said, "tipping is entirely up to the individual." Not satisfied with the answer I pressed further, "True, but did I tip fairly? Was the amount too little? Was it too much? Will they just chalk it off to a stupid foreigner who does not know better?" He chuckled and said, "No madam, you tipped fairly and they will remember."

Tap, tap, tap.

6 comments:

  1. Poverty is overwhelming, in all asepcts. The reality is that you cannot help everyone, but you can help some. It's not enough, I know, but it's not nothing either. Share when you can, be generous not only with food and things, but with your time. I have learned that taking a few minutes to just talk to people, validate them as individuals, goes a long way. On vacation in South Africa in Durban, I visited some Indian shanty towns-some legal, some not. On the partiuclar day I went, they were preparing a community meal they organize once a week. They invited me to stay, as a guest, but I insisted on partiicpating by cutting up vegetables and chicken and learned to cook the meal (Biriani!) serving the community before sitting to eat myself. They were amused and maybe even delighted when i refused the cutlery and ate with my hands as eveyone else. Water is scarce there. Clearly I did not change the world here, but so many people are ignored in this lifetime that these people who are struggling for water rights and acknowledgement appreciate being recognized as equals. Beyond that, setting a good example and volunteering with communities is a way to do your part. Throwing money at things usually doesn't work. It's putting a bandaid on a broken arm. I have had people actually mock me for picking up my dog's poop or being kind to gypsie kids begging because "it won't make any difference", but someone has to start, why not me?

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  2. My exact philosophy - I "see" people...I know their names, I USE their names, and whenever possible I use their language. I can only change the world in the space right around me...at least for now. So every day I work diligently to positively impact that world. But you are quite correct, the poverty can be overwhelming.

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  3. You are walking a tightroap of sorts, keeping boundaries out of necessity, remaining humble and wise and trying to help as you can. All one can do at times is to observe and learn how life really is. You are doing a fine job at it Deidra. I really enjoy your thoughts and writings, they are from the heart. :)

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  4. Thanks I appreciate that! I am really enjoying the opportunity to observe and reflect!

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  5. I am a friend of John Lutz so I was priveleged to read your writings. Thank you for being such a compassionate person representing the US of A. During these times, we need more people like you, who truly care, are humble and obviously, helpful. Thank you for caring enough to want to change the world one person at a time. You are doing a beautiful job. All the best to you and God bless you.

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    1. Brigid, thank you for your kind words and lovely compliments. I'm a huge believer in the ability to positively impact and change whatever corner of the world you are in. Blessings to you too.

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